You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
