No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
