Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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