Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
