she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
