he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
