Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I believe in your delicious
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
