I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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