i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Ladies don't puke and tell
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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