He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
