she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
