Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
