We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
