I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
