If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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