A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
