just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
