I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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