This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
