there's paper in my vomit.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
