guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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