i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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