i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
