Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
