I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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