uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
