Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
