My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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