my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
tell me about the fingering
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