why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
