and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
