nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
