I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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