Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
