I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
