At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
