I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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