After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
