Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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