Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
