just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
