I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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