We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
