I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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