This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I think my moral compass just broke
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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