Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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