I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
