Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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