there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
