You work out of a Hotel?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
