Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
