Your face is a jimmy john
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
