We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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