when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
