it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
