it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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