If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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