the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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