So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
